Dating...

My 13 year old daughter is hung up on dating. She has recently read Josh Harris’ book on the subject, and is convinced that dating is an awful tool of Satan. As her father I would not allow dating, so that works for me. But I want her to be more aware of the why’s than just be a screaming protestor. Let me spend some time giving her some answers, and you can listen in.

Dictionary definition: Dating is any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. A form of romantic courtship between two individuals who may or may not expect marriage

My definition based on experience: A Boy and a Girl go alone together for an evening of entertainment. There is usually a certain level of expectation on the part of one or both that the night will include some romance. Young people who would be honest will admit that a “great date” at least involves those nervous feelings of excitement that accompany an infatuation… either with the person or with the idea of a romantic night with someone. Worst cases involve openly sinful behavior.

The real question is one of wisdom in dating, specifically is there any? There is no question that sex in dating is sinful in the sight of God – regardless of how “serious” the relationship. There is also no question that lust is defined in scripture as adultery – sin. So there are certain aspects that are normally present in American dating that are definitely sinful. But the question can be raised about dating with the absence of sex, lust, and any inherently sinful behavior. There we must ask, “Is dating wise?”

A young boy or girl just reaching “dating age” may have thoughts of dating excitement without ever thinking that it will lead to sin. But if you were to speak to an older group (who really used to be younger even if it seems impossible) you would probably hear a very different story. A great majority of adults could tell of how dating led to sin and hurt in their own lives. Emotional attachments that lead to entering into poor marriages, or sex that lead to pregnancy then either to murder (a.k.a. abortion) and the immense emotional and physical damage that it brings…or to teen motherhood and the devastation that occurs and is passed to the next generation when children have children.

A good friend and fellow minister said, “Dating promotes an emotional attachment that they are physically unprepared for.” One of my favorite preachers says that dating (when you are not prepared in every way to marry) is like shopping without money. Either you will leave frustrated, or you will take something that doesn’t belong to you.” DON’T MISS THIS – The wisest man in the bible (Solomon), the strongest man in the bible (Samson), and the Godliest man in the bible (David) all fell into sexual sin. So for those of you who would say, “I can handle it, it will be different with me.” Unless you are wiser than Solomon, stronger than Samson, and more Godly than David – you’re lying to yourself. When you’re ready, get married. Until you can cash the emotional and physical checks you write, stay away!

Voddie Baucham - “Modern American dating is no more than glorified divorce practice. Young people are learning how to give themselves away in exclusive, romantic, highly committed (at times sexual) relationships, only to break up and do it all over again. God never intended for His kids to live like this. And instead of stepping in and doing something, many Christian parents simply view these types of relationships as a normal and necessary part of growing up. Unless your child is wiser than Solomon, stronger than Samson, and more godly than David (all of whom sinned sexually), they are susceptible to sexual sin, and these premature relationships serve as open invitations.” Family Driven Faith (p. 21).

Good quote from Grace Life Church “We believe that dating as it is practiced in our contemporary culture is an unbiblical practice that has led to untold misery among the people of God. Although the Scriptures do not specifically address courtship in every aspect, it does give us countless sound principles by which our young men and women may guide their relationships with the opposite sex and discover God’s will for marriage.”

The thought just dawns on me that I cannot communicate any wisdom to those who do not want it. My fear is that many of our children do not care about the dangers of dating, they just want to satisfy the desires of their heart and their flesh. This is why I would appeal to Fathers who would be Godly leaders in their home to take a firm stand on this issue. Tell your sons “NO” and tell your daughters “NO”. Then tell the wolves that come to your door to devour your young, “NO!” Why would we protect our children against some attacks, yet stand in the driveway and wave as they drive away with a predator (In dating, all teenage boys are predators and some girls).

This is ultimately a Father issue. And Fathers, you will surely be met with resistance. But there is a joy beyond imagination when your children later come to you and thank you for loving them and protecting them.

Philippians 2:3&4, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

Pastor Todd